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What No One Tells You

Before I can begin to make the jump into some lighter and brighter content around the things that have brought me joy during the ((not so linear)) journey forward following recurrent loss and burnout, I feel that I would be remiss if I didn’t take the opportunity to inform and educate. I actually hate using those verbs, because I feel that they can often come off as condescending, but truth be told, prior to my own loss experiences, I was SO naïve to the reality of miscarriage. I had never really heard much about it, so embarrassingly enough, my ignorant understanding was that miscarriage happened so early that it was simply passed naturally on its own, with very little pain or suffering. To say I was clueless would be the understatement of the century.

Even though there is no way to fully prepare someone for an experience such as pregnancy loss, I wish I had been more well informed. Perhaps, if the topic was more mainstream and I had the opportunity to learn more about it in advance, maybe I would have felt less alone and somewhat better equipped to navigate the situation I had found myself in. And maybe, all the Karens* of the world would feel less inclined to question “so when are you having kids?”. The silence around the topic breeds a vicious cycle… and the less we talk about it as a society, the more it perpetuates those feelings of disbelief, numbness, isolation, shame and guilt (that I once felt) for others, should they sadly happen to find themselves in a similar situation down the road. And, it doesn’t have to be that way. So here I am, spilling my personal findings out on the table – because, these are the things I wish I had known.


The Probability

Miscarriage is common, which gives all the more reason to raise greater awareness and understanding. Various studies have reported the probability of miscarriage in known pregnancies to be anywhere from 10-25%. If you think about it, the upper end of that range is the same chance as pulling a heart from a deck of cards. We don’t often hear about it, but it happens, and the sad reality is that a positive pregnancy test doesn’t always equate to an earth-side baby nine months later. This unfortunate heartbreak does not discriminate, and it can happen to anyone, including you.

The Decisions

The Aftermath

The Obscurity

In looking back at facing my experiences head on, the details within those four points are the things that I wish I had known more about in advance of my miscarriage diagnoses. I can only hope that these points may reach someone before they may have to face an experience like this head on themselves, and provide the smallest sense of solace in knowing what may come next. My ultimate goal in sharing these last two posts, has been to continue to open up the conversation about these topics for others in the future. These topics will always be one of the major driving forces that led me to blogging and will continue to be a mainstay that we touch upon every now and then, or as much as you all would like. But with that, tomorrow marks my 30th trip around the sun, and I am excited to begin relaying into the journey forward, as I look to reclaim my own definition of success, commit to my own wellbeing and personal goals, and re-shift priorities back to the people and things that bring me joy.

Stay tuned for more content related to #kickinitbock in everyday life, especially featuring DIY, food, humor, home decorating, shopping for a steal, spending time with those I love and doing good in the communities around us! I also vow that all future posts will be more succinct, LOL. So, let’s get crackin’! …and, if you have any tips/words of wisdom for those of us turning 29 and four quarters – they are welcomed with open arms in the comments below!

xoxo - Les

*Karen is common shorthand used in pop culture to reflect women acting in an entitled or ignorant manner. Sorry to all the lovely people I know that just so happen to be named Karen!

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